A Broken Heart?
I pride myself on having the capacity to hold a lot and not come unraveled by it. I have been a therapist for 30 years and hear heartbreaking stories from my clients daily.
I listen but at a distance so that I won’t take on their emotions because I am an empath. I sit in compassion and listen offering whatever information downloads into my psyche that my client may need to hear.
I see myself as strong, competent, calm, and positive. I don’t ruminate over things that happen especially those I cannot control.
My clients have asked me over the years, “How do I know if I am holding onto negative energy?” I answer that if you think about something more than twice you are probably still holding it. I then teach them how to release the negative energy using visualization and breath work. I used these methods for many years but got tired or lazy and they became less frequent. I felt I wasn’t holding any since I learned how to let things go and not think about them more than once. Or did I?
Three weeks ago I was visiting my children and grandson in sunny California, which rained most of time we were there. I had been eyeing a lovely new age book store in Venice Beach for the last few times I had visited. It had a beautiful meditation room in the back of the store with the most amazing crystals three feet by four feet, surrounding the room. I felt such a wonderful, peaceful energy. I knew I would love having a group regression there one day. I asked the event planner and we negotiated the day before I would leave back to NY. It also happened to be a full moon evening. I hadn’t thought it would happen so quickly so I had to start advertising it right away.
The evening arrived and I knew about seven people were coming that I knew of and weren’t sure how many walk-ins there would be. The room was set up nicely, but I had forgotten that the temperatures go down at night and it was freezing! They put a lamp warmer on for us but still it was quite cold. The attendees all had blankets and seemed toasty. I however, stood shivering even with my jacket on, as I took everyone back under hypnosis to an empowered past lifetime. After the first fifteen minutes my back started to hurt. I thought, “wow! These crystals are really powerful!” I moved away from them and felt it come and go and then my chest started to hurt. I had pneumonia two weeks earlier so thought it was that, especially since it was so cold in the room. I sat with our group after the regression to discuss their profound and detailed regressions, feeling very uncomfortable. After we all left for the evening I went back to my daughter-in-laws home where my husband was waiting for me. Still feeling uncomfortable, still thinking it must be the crystals, I saged myself to release any negative energy I might have picked up. Nope! It didn’t help either. We said our good-byes since we were going back to NY the next day and needed to go back to the hotel to pack. On the way back I started to feel tightness in the chest, besides the pain there and in my back. I didn’t want to tell my husband but knew I better check it out before we would fly. We went to the Urgent Care facility near our hotel. They heard my symptoms and immediately sent me to the hospital’s Emergency Room. I made my husband take me to the one our grandson was born in since it seemed so lovely and quiet.
They took an EKG right away and it was insignificant. We waited then for seven hours to finally see a doctor there. Blood work was fine, and blood pressure was fine. The attending doctor said the signs are classic heart issues but all of the tests were negative. She said they would keep me for a day to observe me so to cancel any flight home for that day.
One hour later the doctors shift ended and the test were repeated. This time the enzymes were elevated and the EKG abnormal. The new doctor came flying in panicked and said, “ You are having a heart attack! Your enzymes are high! I have to call in a Cardiologist and you will have to have an angiogram!” Well, if I weren’t having a heart attack before with his bedside manor and scare I would surely have one then!
The Cardiologist came in and said we would have to do an angiogram and might have to put in stents or a balloon depending on what we would find. The scenario kept getting worse! Terrified we did the test to find my vessels and arteries were all clean! Wow! I was so happy to hear it!
Then what happened to me? He said based on some other tests it was a condition called Broken Heart Syndrome. What could that be? He asked a series of questions that surprised me. First, did someone close to me die? No, I answered. Did my husband abuse me? As I gasped, I said NO! He then asked was I under any stress?
My first response was no, since I was on vacation. I then thought about the last several months were my in laws were quite ill, we had our home on the market and not sure were we wanted to move to, and several other stressful situations. The doctor said what were you doing when this happened. I told him about the workshop. I wasn’t stressed about performing but about staying warm, taking care of those who were under my care at the workshop, and in a new venue. He said this was strictly stressed related and will heal. He gave me medications to restore the natural flow and shape of the heart. I asked if I should be on a special diet but he said no. This had nothing to do with food or exercise, strictly stress.
The doctor had me stay a few days until the pains went away and made me rest for a week before going home.
I sat and thought about what had happened and still surprised since I had no idea that I felt any stress. It was a real lesson to see that even the strongest of us, who don’t feel or think we are stressed can still have our bodies respond in a dramatic way. I realized it was time to go back to doing meditations more regularly and visualizations. I also realized that this time in history is a very stressful time for everyone. I also realized that I see CNN every evening before bed. That now has to stop. RELEASE, RELEASE, RELEASE!!
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